I would write more than a short bit tonight but I am super tuckered. But it was still a real great class tonight! Sensei's Daughter (ha) brought two friends to class. They are new to Kendo but they did pretty great. The two quiet girls from last week also showed up again! I think everyone was a bit surprised when they walked back in. But I was super glad to see them. We all mostly worked on kihon and basics with our bokuto tonight, and I think that is going to be the plan for awhile. So getting in some private practice time will be even more important. I need to keep building up my endurance after all! Anyway, during the kihon practice I noticed that one of the two quiet girls has hypermobile elbows like I do, and Sensei was telling her a lot of the things he was telling me when I first started. About hip alignment and all those other things. I hope she sticks around. As I have learned only years later in my life, all that super flexibility does not feel like a problem in adolescence but - unless supportive muscule strength is developed - it really becomes a pain in the ass (and the back and the knees and the...) in adulthood. Oh man, now I am beginning to sound old. Ha! But now it is time to go curl up on the couch and watch a little television with the roommate and the dogs before hitting the bed.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I can only stare at the absence for so long before I want to cut through it. I was holding center in the kitchen and I could not even go a minute before I felt like it was time to cut through the imaginary opponent. I had set the timer for two minutes, but I must still have a long way to go before I develop the patience to be still for that long, because I maybe went twenty seconds. I should work on that some more. I also did some suburi while sitting in seiza in the living room. I managed a whole two hundred tonight! It was the first time that I ever managed that many at home on my own. Now it will be something that I do each day and each evening. Tomorrow I feel like I will practice my swings while wearing the bogu that Sensei loaned me. There is just one more week before practice starts up again and I plan on being in better condition than I was before vacation. It is nice. Even a little suburi practice makes me feel so good.
Thursday, December 9, 2010 - Session Fifteen
6:27 PM: Definitely wrestling with some thoughts before practice tonight. I feel tired and I do not want to go through the ass-kicking (that I went through last week) all over again. I wonder whether or not I could take the night off and get some rest. It would be nice to take a nap instead. Besides, I forgot to wash and iron my hakama and keikogi last week so I will look all bunched up and wrinkled. Maybe I should stay home and do laundry instead. But then I think about the things that people who quit (right around getting into bogu) probably say to themselves just before they quit. It probably sounds the same. Yeah, it probably sounds pretty much exactly the same. So I am going to go to class despite feeling totally wiped. The absolute worst thing that will happen is that I get my ass kicked all over again. Which is not a bad thing at all since we all know that, upon going through that ass-kicking again, I will end up feeling invigorated and excited and totally pumped. Because that is how I always feel afterward. So this is me, moving forward!
9:30 PM: So how do I feel? Invigorated and excited and totally pumped! I am so glad that I went in to practice tonight. For one thing, it looks like there will be no Kendo for the next three weeks! At least, not at the Yamakage Dojo, because the YMCA has weird holiday things going on and Maestas Sensei has obligations to which he must attend. So it is good that I did not miss tonight. Three weeks without formal practice will be sad enough but an entire month would be madness! But yes... Maestas Sensei spared me the bogu tonight. I was all set to suck it up and hit the bogu and fall over and die. But! Sensei instead had me practice moving back and forth to work on my ayumi-ashi. Tonight was basic kata practice. I learned a lot too! I learned that I keep a lot of weight on the outside edge of my feet, and that I rest almost all my weight on my back right heel. Sensei even pointed out that my right foot actually has a different shape from my left foot, because of how I have always carried weight! So now I have all these acute things that I need to work on for the next three weeks. Oh man, am I glad that tonight was a low impact evening. Of course, low impact usually means that my legs will refuse to move come morning... But at least I could breathe. Now I must go to the market. I am so hungry...!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010 - Session Fourteen
Oh man, what an ass kicker that was! The entire class tonight was done in bogu, and it was all kirikaeshi and other things that are like kirikaeshi. I had trouble just doing one full rotation. My athletic asthma kicked up into high gear and I think that I may have needed to take a breather every ten minutes or so, just to keep from falling down. I really did not expect the bogu to make that big a difference as far as my actual breathing is concerned. But that seems to be an area (along with affecting how I move around and how I swing the shinai) in which the bogu has made a huge difference. But it also felt great to have my ass kicked so hard! I got back up when it was time to get back up and I figure that my ability to enjoy the struggle and have fun with it is evidence enough that I really like Kendo! Now I just need to start exercising more to build up my stamina (running is not so good on my shins, so I should really start swimming) and my arm strength and my core strength. I need to practice my swings while in bogu as well. Oh man, oh man. Huge. Huge. Super awesome.
Thursday, November 18, 2010 - Session Thirteen
Oh man, oh man! Practicing with bogu on was incredible! I mean, yes, my technique dropped way down as soon as it was on. Once again, any progress I had made on not lunging forward was lost. And once again, I was moving too much from my shoulders and not enough from the hips. BUT! Two new students came in to try out the class. They were a mother and son. So I got to spend some two hours being motodachi to them both, as well as motodachi to Maestas Sensei. And it was so much fun! I felt a little giggle deep down inside each time that Sensei struck me on the men, and the very first strike I received was a tsuki which sent me stumbling back three or four steps, and it felt so brilliant! There was a moment when I did actually giggle after three or four strikes to the head, and Sensei joked about that. So much fun. I know it all maybe sounds a bit masochistic. But being struck around like that was really a whole mess of fun and - aside from my right ear getting rubbed a little raw inside the men, and one moment when the young boy struck me on the bicep rather than the kote, and the fact that my nose would begin to itch as soon as my men was on and I could not scratch it - it felt great.
It was more challenging but it made me like the art that much more as well.
It was a little awkward at first in the evening, when the mother and son approached me about the class. Maestas Sensei had not yet arrived and so I spent some time telling them about the equipment that is used. Shinai, bokuto, keikogi and hakama, and the bogu; and it felt a bit awkward. Dilo, dilo, dilo. At one point the mother asked me whether or not I was a Canadian and I boggled. Turns out she figured I might have been because the interior of the do-dai (hard portion of the chest protector) says "University of Victoria" on the inside. I laughed at that quite a bit. Not sure why I was so amused. But hot damn. Tonight was fun and I cannot wait until the next time. Too bad there is practice this coming week. I guess I will just have to get in a bit more practice time at home. I feel like I should write more, like a post about my first night in bogu should be somehow more momentous, but all I can really think to write is that it was great and I had fun. I guess that is good enough though.
Hurrah!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I went down to Maestas Sensei's shoe repair shop this afternoon to get fitted with some loaner bogu. I got lost in Boulder as I drove around trying to find the place, but I got there after awhile and we tried some things on. It all feels like a pretty good fit and I am super excited for practice tomorrow evening! At one point he joked that I could give it all back when I decided to quit, which is when I said that I would give it all back when I get my own set. I know that tomorrow is going to be awesome even though all anyone ever seems to share are first-time-in-bogu horror stories about feeling like they were going to die or something, which is maybe an exaggeration on my part. Even if I do feel like I am about to fall over and die, I have never enjoyed that feeling as much as I have when there is a shinai in my hand. Ha! Exciting, exciting, exciting!
Thursday, November 4, 2010 - Session Twelve
Had a light class tonight. It was good. I am not sure what was going on with me, but I wound up feeling winded about ten minutes into practice. It happens like that sometimes. Some days are great as far as endurance is concerned. Other days are terrible for endurance. I can never figure out what is different about those days but I figure all I can do is take them as they come! Even the no-endurance exhaustion practices still leave me feeling pumped! This evening, Maestas Sensei ran me through the various Iaido kata and I found that I really enjoyed them. It was a very different way to move but it felt much more comfortable. I have difficulties coordinating footwork with striking with body movements and all that when I am striking for kendo, but the coordination between form and attack in Iaido felt much more coordinated. I am looking forward to learning more! Sensei also mentioned that the next SWKIF gradings are coming up in a few months (but I cannot remember how many months) and asked me whether I was interested. For sure I am interested! I like having goals.
Thursday, October 28, 2010 - Missed
No Kendo for me tonight. I was going to go and practice, but one of the local highschools needed EMS support on standby during their football game. Home team lost and nothing too exciting happened. But it is always nice to spend some time with my pals from the unit. Just means that I need to get more practice in at home this week!
Thursday, October 21, 2010 - Session Eleven
18:10 PM: Receieved an email from Maestas Sensei, letting me know that he has an engagement that he needs to address this evening, and so official practice is cancelled. I will still be going down to the YMCA to practice though. I will be practicing the first kata, and also working on not leaning forward so much when I strike at men. I am hoping that the woman from last week shows up again. That would be cool!
21:48 PM: I had a great practice session! I spent the first hour working on kata one, mostly on the footwork. I am hoping to get my backward step and forward step to be a little closer together on the men-nuki-men portion. I am evading too far backward and this seems to force me into a lunge as I attempt to recover the distance for striking men. I also practiced striking men from jodan-no-kamae, and I am still rearing the sword too far backward. Right now I am letting the bokuto disappear behind my back, and I should instead keep it higher up before I strike. But I feel good about the progress that I made, and it was a great warm-up for the second hour of the solo practice.
I spent the second hour with my shinai rather than my bokuto, and I was able to bring out our training dummy as well. I pretty much practiced striking at men for the entire second hour, and through in some needed suri-ashi practice as well. I was super pleased to find that my feet are really sliding now and that I am not sticking to the floor as often! Striking men worked out well tonight. But I need to put some serious work into running through afterward. Like some serious work. But I felt like my strikes themselves were strong and on target, and that my kiai was strong as well. I still need to work on closing distance though. I was lunging more than I should have been, and so I was not snapping up my left foot as well as I should. I think that is part of what makes running through more difficult for me. I need to cover more initial distance - before I can even begin to move through my opponent - because my feet are so far apart when my shinai connects with their men.
I worked on closing that gap a bit and I found some success there. So hurrah! I also practiced hiki-men from tai-atari distance and that was a killer good time. It felt very strong and natural. I also had some fun practicing my strike at men from the jodan-no-kamae and gedan-no-kamae stances, and both were very different experiences! I liked gedan a lot. It felt very fluid in my wrists. I did notice that my strikes were very shallow and glancing when I struck from the jodan position though; and all my men strikes are still using too much right arm power and not enough from the left arm, no matter what stance they begin with.
I even managed to take a couple moments to snap some pictures with my phone, so I could better see what I am doing with my feet versus what I should be doing with them. The two photos that are after the strike are actually after the strike to men, and I just held my position as it was when my strike was finished. Just looking at them, I can see that my chudan-no-kamae is a little too high and could be lowered. I also definitely think that my feet were ending too wide apart, and that the third picture shows an improvement, buuuut I am sure there are still numerous flaws with that one as well. Like my posture. Oh well. More things to keep working on! Sadly, no new people showed up tonight. But maybe Maestas-Sensei just let them know that there would be no official class tonight, and they will show up next week. I will keep my hopes high!
Chudan-No-Kamae: Lower the shinai just a little bit.
Men: First attempt. Feet are too wide apart?
Men: Second attempt. Feet are better maybe? But posture seems to have suffered.
Thursday, October 14, 2010 - Session Ten
We had another new person drop in for practice this evening! She approached me before class and asked whether or not it was a drop-in class, and I told her that it was. She had told us that she would need to leave after the first hour but she joined us all the same, and I think she was into it. She was also so tall! Maestas Sensei had us practice striking at men on one another, with one of us providing an opening and the other striking, and back and forth and so on. It was fun! Oh, and Sensei even complimented one of my swings which - though it was only one good swing among many others that were who knows how clumsy - means I am improving! Once the time came for Sabrina to leave, she told us that she is going to get her boyfriend to join the class as well. Since women usually only try to share things with their boyfriends when they like those things, I think that means she will be back. Sensei also mentioned that a woman who trained with the Yamakage Dojo in the past will be rejoining the class in a week or two, so hurrah for having more people! And so many women. So cool.
But after Sabrina left; Maestas Sensei started teaching me the first kata, which was a little difficult for me. Mostly because I still drift toward one side whenever I move backward. I have a hard time holding that straight line with my stride, and it looks like there are several different reasons for this. Sensei pointed some out for me. My feet do not point straight ahead. My right foot drifts toward my left foot when I step backward. My forward steps do not cover the same distance as my backward steps. I swing with my wrists rather than my arms. I was also able to figure out a few corrections on my own. It seems like pivoting my left hip slightly inward and toward the right corrects at least some of the problem. It also helps to keep my torso from pivoting toward the left whenever I strike. So there are some new things that I can practice at home! On the way home; I told my roommate (Eli) that Kendo does not only make me feel good. It also makes me feel good about who I am. In my day to day routine I tend to feel absent minded, unfocused, and often unable to manage my own life and circumstances. But that all reverses when I am doing Kendo. I feel like I am making progress even when I am making mistakes or getting things wrong. I feel competent, whole, and grounded. I suppose I cannot ask for better motivation than that.
Thursday, October 7, 2010 - Session Nine
18:12 PM: Looking forward to tonight! I just got back in from California - where I attended my ten year high school reunion - and I am sore from the twenty hour drive. It is going to be good to get the blood pumping again. It will also be good to feel exhausted again! It is a little weird to say that, but I spent some time practicing down at a local park that is near to where I grew up in the San Fernando Valley and I felt like I was not get any productive practice done. I went for a long time and did not feel tired or winded at all. I realized later that it was due to the difference in oxygen levels between Colorado and California, which I had always known about but never really experienced. Well, aside from feeling as though I am swimming in air whenever I get down to sea level. You can actually feel the air on your skin down there! One hour till class, and I know it is gonna be good.
20:45 PM: So sad! I went to the YMCA for the usual Yamakage Dojo practice and I was the only one there. I suspect that Maestas Sensei must have thought that I would still be out of town due to the high school reunion that I just attended. Oh well. I pressed on all the same, and practiced for about an hour before the pain of driving 20 hours (from California to Colorado) last night caught up to me. I practiced suri-ashi back and forth for about half an hour, practiced some suburi and haya-suburi for awhile, and also practiced holding center some more. I feel like my footwork has improved! It is not perfect but it is better than it was! Oh, and I forgot to mention that Eli (the most amazing roommate evers) cleaned out the garage so now I can practice in their as well. Just in time for the impending winter season, when it will be much too cold to practice outside.
Thursday, September 30, 2010 - Session Eight
Class began on a slight sad note tonight. Well not sad so much as a mixed blessing or something like on that. Maestas Sensei began by coming in and putting on his bogu. We were going to begin drilling out various strikes and striking combinations (men hiki men, men hiki do, kote do, kote men) and he said that class would only be an hour long, in part because he probably expected that I would otherwise collapse from exhaustion. I warmed up and got ready to begin when, not long afterward, a woman popped her head into the room and asked if she a person needed their own shinai to participate in the class. Sensei loaned her one of his for the class and invited her to join us, and she did! She also went to ask her son to join in but I guess he declined. Anyway, it was fun having another person in the practice and she really picked it up quick! Sensei told her that she was picking up the material quickly, and that some students take weeks just to get the footwork down. Naturally, I raised my hand and said "Like this one!" while pointing at myself with a grin. Fun practice!
We still drilled out the various strikes while Sensei was in his bogu, and it made certain parts of the material much easier to understand. I could see where I was leaning forward too much when striking at men, and I could also see that I really need to work on not telegraphing when I strike at do and when I strike at kote. I do feel like I am better at haya suburi than I was, but then he had me practice it with a do strike and I totally flubbed. More to improve upon! I also did not collapse during class this time, and I think having someone else in the class helped me to perform better during the training. It might sound a bit funny, but I can be a vain person at times and I tend to perform better in most things when there are other people around to see. The comparison between us also helped me to see how much progress I have actually made, and to also see that - yes - my learning curve is a bit more steep than it is for others. So I am a slow learner at first but once I do get into a stride (not there yet) I tend to pick things up more. But I have always been that way so I will just keep on going forward as I have been. Obviously, it is working out well! It was also rad to see someone come in and do so well on their first night! I hope that she comes back.
On another note, tonight I tried another method for dealing with my weak and hypermobile knees. I had tried using a heavy duty knee brace on each leg a few weeks back, but that did not work out so well because the braces did not provide much resistance to the actual hyperextension that occurs whenever I straighten out my legs. This time I tried wrapping them each with ace bandage and it worked out well for awhile. The ace bandages definitely gave me the resistance that I needed, but the pressure from the resistance was not well distributed. So now I have this tight knot behind my left leg, right where the calves meet the knees. I am going to stretch that out later tonight. So ace bandages are out! Once I get back from California - High School Ten Year Reunion!!! - I am going to make an appointment with an orthopedist so I can get some more input on how can I better support my knees as they grow more strong.
Oh, and Sensei told me that my ability to control the shinai has improved! Now I just need to figure out a space where I can put more time into my footwork. The room we practice in is empty sometimes, so I might look at the YMCA schedule and see when I can go in and practice on my own. This was a great class!
Thursday, September 23, 2010 - Session Seven
Somehow, the more I feel like Kendo is only increasing in its difficulty, and the more I feel like I am going to collapse during training, the more I end up feeling really excited to be practicing Kendo and the more I feel determined to improve. Practice this week was much harder for me than last week; which means that it has been my hardest practice yet, and it is only my seventh! I am not sure what changed this week to prompt the brief moments of nausea, except for having eaten a banana before practice whereas I usually practice on an empty stomach.
More notable was the sudden return of an old foe who has not come around in well over fifteen years: Exercise Induced Asthma. Dun dum duuuuuunnnnnn! We started with haya suburi and at first I locked up and was not breathing at all. Sensei noticed and reminded me to breathe, but I switched right over to mouth breathing and triggered the edema response. Because there is no actual inflammation in the bronchial tree I know that I can continue pushing through it as long as I can still draw breath. But there were several moments where I either needed to stop a moment to catch my breath, or even sit out for a minute or two in order to get the blood flow down and the bronchia back open. Fortunately sitting out and nose-breathing air through my hands after cupping them over my nose tends to do the trick. The warmth from the hands heats up the air just enough to warm up the bronchia and reduce the edemic blood. But I might start keeping a Primatene Mist (norepinephrine) inhaler in my bag from now on, in case it ever does get to be worse than I can manage.
Oh man. Pair it up with hypermobility syndrome and I foresee a long and rough road ahead of me as far as Kendo is concerned. But I still feel as though I will appreciate every step! I also feel wonderful about the fact that I was still able to manage - despite the issues - and make it through the entire two hours. I could have never done this a few years back! Setting aside the physical problems that I was experiencing, I also think that several concepts have begun to gel a little more for me. I am beginning to better understand how my hands and arms need to be positioned at the various points in a strike. I am not totally competent yet, and it could still be awhile before I grasp it all fully, but I still feel as though I made some progress tonight. Which feels good! Because progress made is progress earned. Counting in Japanese still needs some serious work. Possibly some flash cards.
There was one another valuable lesson which I learned. In fact it directly correlates to something I learned in Wushu several years ago. Yes, once upon a time I learned how to fall straight on my butt once I start moving too quickly for my feet to keep up, and that valuable lesson was with me this evening. Sensei had me doing suri-ashi back and forth for awhile and I had to keep increasing my speed. Whenever I move backwards - or especially when I move backwards - my feet start crossing and I sometimes even end up in what Ballet dancers might recognize as their fourth position. Ideal for Ballet dancers. Not ideal for Kendo. This time I wound up crossing my feet too much and fell backwards with a slow motion thud. Seriously, it felt as though I fell in slow motion. I could see Sensei's eyes widen a bit as I hit the ground - legs straight and splayed, hands behind me, palms down, really a well executed unintentional kersplat - and then some chuckling ensued. So while I might have joined the "two separate martial arts probably do not correlate in training" camp after starting all this, I can still say that some old lessons are with us always.
Oh dear... Kaboom!
Sensei: Be prepared for next week. I'm putting on my bogu, and you'll be running.
Me: Running....? Running away...? Oh no, will you be chasing me!?
Sensei: [chuckles]
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I began working on the exercises that Sensei showed me at the last practice, and the linoleum in the kitchen seems adequate as floors go. I would have started sooner but I could hardly even walk right for the first three days after Thursday practice. It was a good feeling, but I am also very glad that I did not have my swim test for the rescue diving shore support training that the emergency unit is putting me through. Swimming with stiff elbows and stiff knees and sore everything would have been less than pleasant, as good as I feel about the sensation. I feel committed to doing these things at home, but it still feels difficult to knuckle down and focus on doing them. The box step he showed me is simple enough, but the haya suburi exercise is a bit more difficult, especially since I do not have any space to practice it with a shinai. It might be easier if I had some actual ceiling space to incorporate the swing that he showed me, so I might go to the park up the street tomorrow evening and see about practicing on the tennis courts up there. It is important that I do these things and so I know that I need to come up with a routine that I can keep to, but I also need to be able to commit to doing the exercises in the first place in order to develop a routine. I need much more focus. Time to go back to the kitchen and try again, and then maybe swing men from seiza for awhile in the living room.
Figures. As soon as I begin to start understanding the rhythm, and begin to get my feet to kinda do what I want, the invisi-blister on the bottom of my right big toe tears right off my foot. It had stopped looking like a blister for a few days so I figured it was gone. I guess it was not gone after all! But at least I think I am starting to understand haya suburi more than I had.
Thursday, September 16, 2010 - Session Six
Two weeks without Kendo practice really helped me realize how much I enjoy and appreciate it. The two hour long gauntlet that was tonight's training also helped me to realize how much I enjoy and appreciate Kendo, even though I eventually felt like I was going to fall over and die from exhaustion. It was incredible. I think that I am beginning to get to the point (not quite there) where I can recognize my own mistakes, and so now I need to start working on remembering and applying a lesson I learned when I was EMS student: When you make a decision, you make a commitment. I need to not suddenly stop when I make a mistake, and I feel as though breaking that impulse is going to require some actual personal growth. Setting all that side, today Maestas Sensei had me striking men at the training dummy over and over and over again. Having something to actually strike really helped me coordinate my strike with my feet moreso than I have been when striking at naught but the air in front of me. I do still need to work on moving backwards, as that seems to be the moment in which my right foot crosses over my left foot the most often. But all my footwork needs some serious work and Sensei showed me some exercises that he would like for me to practice at home. I forget the names, but it involves moving back and forth really quickly while striking at men, as well as a four count box step from forward to backward to right to left. I should be able to manage to have the space I need for those exercises, though I will need to clean out my garage first.
Cleaning garages. Always a good time.
I do still feel as though the training is moving almost too quickly for me to keep up, but Sensei has been at Kendo far longer than I have. He knows what he is doing, so I am going to trust that the pace he is keeping me at is the appropriate pace for me to learn. Oh! And there was one funny moment when we both arrived at the YMCA around the same time. I had changed the bag that I keep my keikogi and hakama in. This meant that I left my lock at home! So halfway to the door I realized that I had no lock for the lockers, so I turned around and began going back to my car for the second lock. But then I remembered that I have no second lock, and so I turned around again. Sensei was watching me at that point and he asked me if I was leaving. Not at all! I did crack a joke though, and say that Kendo has terrified me and all I can think to do is run away as fast as I can. Unfortunately for me, it seems as though I ran myself right into practice! Ha! I also think I have developed my first blister and - to be honest - although it hurts to walk on it, it also feels real good in my heart. Not to get all smooshie about Kendo or anything! Oh exhausting Kendo practice, how I love thee.
September 17, 2010: I cannot move. Glorious!
Thursday, September 9, 2010 - Cancellation
Kendo was cancelled again. There have been some fires up around the Gold Hill area and it looks as though the YMCA is being used as a temporary shelter for the people who have been displaced. So it is for a good reason, and I hope that those who have been directly affected will be able to return to their homes soon. There was so much smoke the other day, and so the sunlight was red even in Longmont. But I did get to respond to a structure fire later in the evening.
Thursday, September 2, 2010 - Cancellation
Looks as though the YMCA closed up to renovate their floors. I think my shins could use the break. Pun unintended. I used to get shin splints when I was in junior high and had to run during physical education. I also had exercise induced asthma back then and it made physical activities absolute hell. So getting shin splints again after a little over ten years is a bit unfortunate. I think it is because I am learning a whole new way to move, and so I am experiencing some adjustment pain. I tend to hyper-extend my knees when I finish stepping and I also hyper-extend them when I am standing at rest. I have been mindful to keep my knees bent while walking around and I think this is causing the actual pain, since it only ever feels bad when I take Shotgun (my dog) on a walk around the block. I also get a knotted up feeling behind my knees when I use them like a normal person and keep them bent most of the time. My anatomical knowledge is not the best; but I think that my calves and heels have been bearing most of the weight for several years now, and bending my knees more has been distributing some of that weight to the muscles in my shin. They must not appreciate the workout! I plan on talking with my physician about it at some point, but it is probably just one more thing to work on.
Thursday, August 26, 2010 - Session Five
Oh man! I trained in a keikogi and hakama for the first time tonight. I am glad that I decided to follow the suggestion which Maestas Sensei had made, and get into the uniform earlier rather than later, because it made it a huge difference. It was heavier than the sweat pants and t-shirt I had practiced in before and gave each movement a bit more strain. It will be good for me to start out with the added weight rather than picking up that weight later on. Maestas Sensei also really put me through some paces this evening! Suri-ashi, suri-ashi, suri-ashi. Men! Men! Men! Holding center was hard. Suri-ashi while cutting men took some building up to, and my footwork and form still needs a lot of work, but it felt amazing to be doing it. It also felt exhausting but I like this kind of exhaustion. It was a real good practice but I think that I will need to rest up a bit before really dissecting and processing what I learned. It is also time to start practicing more at home.
August 27, 2010: I have had some more time to sit and compose some thoughts about practice. Early on in the practice, Maestas Sensei asked me a question. He asked me if I am an aggressive person. I had to think about it for a moment. I wanted to say yes but the honest answer had to be that I am more inclined toward flowing with others and being receptive instead. I think about that question now and I realize that there is an aggressive core running through me but it has usually only ever shown itself when my behavior has become inappropriate or cruel. I can push on people emotionally and become invasive when I feel that some emptiness is not being filled. I can also become very dominant when I feel that someone needs to be shamed in order to learn a particular life lesson. Sometimes that dominance can be unnecessary and therefore cruel. I do not like those qualities in me as much as I like the others, and so most of who I am ends up being receptive and unobtrusive. I retreat rather than advance, and I block or deflect rather than strike.
I feel as though Kendo is already giving me a tool I can use to bring out the aggressive qualities I dislike in me and mature them into something healthy and less shameful. Those qualities which might be inappropriate in normal social interaction might be wholly appropriate in a sword fight, even though the swords are wood. I do not know, but the question that Maestas Sensei asked me will be bouncing around in my head for a long time from here onward. Proper and appropriate training in the martial arts always seems to have come impact on personal character and I definitely can see how this impact will be positive for me. I was able to yell while practicing the strikes. This was unexpected. Before I began training, even thinking about yelling in a low and deep growl would make me nervous and anxious and a little afraid. But I could actually do it! I know it is just a simple little thing - easy enough to do unless one considers my personal background and how vulnerable it must feel for a woman with a voice like mine to scream - but that was a huge hurdle in my head and I was able to jump it in just one session! It makes me wonder what else I will be able to accomplish!
I do feel a little embarrassed about the inappropriate laughing that sometimes happens to me. I am someone who laughs and smiles (big wide grinning smiles) whenever I feel anxious, or when I am in any situation where smiling and laughing would be inappropriate. Funerals are an example. It is uncontrolled and not at all intentional. It does not mean that I am feeling happy or good. It just happens. Sometimes - and for no reason at all - I can start laughing hysterically and uncontrollably, and these laughing fits can last for easily thirty minutes to an hour or so. I have been doubled over in pain but still laughing because my abdominal muscles end up hurting so much, though that has not happened in a long while, which has me glad. Just to emphasize that it is not normal nervous laughter and is actually something that can take some real struggle to suppress. It has come up in practice (not the hysterics, thank goodness, just the irrepressible "giggling" and smiling) now that Maestas Sensei is present and I am receiving instruction. It makes me feel inappropriate and awkward. He does not seem to mind that I have to suppress a little laugh whenever a bokken or shinai comes anywhere near my head. Or when I am focusing on something he is teaching me. I think he understands that it is a reflex and that it is not one I can easily control, and that I am laughing not because I am amused but because the raised emotional energy triggers that particular response. That is the feeling I got from him at least. But it still makes me feel as though I am being inappropriate. It also distracts me from paying as much attention as I could because I am too occupied with fighting it in my head. I would hate to get to the point where I can start participating in shiai only to end up laughing in the middle of one and looking disrespectful. That would be terrible.
Thursday, August 19, 2010 - Session Four
I met Maestas Sensei for the first time this evening, after speaking with him on the phone yesterday afternoon. I felt very comfortable around him and definitely felt as though he is someone I can communicate with and learn from. It looks as though I had caught the tail end of a slow summer schedule and that things will be picking up more relatively soon. He told me about the Southwest Kendo Iaido Federation and about the other local and nearby dojos, and taught me more about the etiquette that is involved. Then we went over the basic stances and basic strikes while I worked on my footwork. The sliding step is still very difficult for me when I attempt to move forward. It seems like my feet do not want to slide at all due to all the traction. But that will come with time. I am also still pivoting my hips too much when I move. I also noticed that I am pivoting both my feet and knees when I move as well. So I need to work on that. Not much in the way of endurance drills like I was doing with sonkyo the two times I was on my own. So I will need to start doing those on my own. I am also planning on swimming more often to build up my strength and constitution. It is not where it should be at. But despite the struggles, I am still excited!
Thursday, August 12, 2010 - Session Three
Almost two hours later and I am still feeling flushed! I had another training session alone again. Not that big a deal since I think Justin (Sempai) is dealing with University finals and anyone else who is in the area during the summer is probably doing the same. I still would like to know a reliable way to get in touch with Maestas Sensei but that will happen when it happens. For now I have seem to be making minor progress practicing what Justin showed me. I did manage to hold center a little bit more effectively as I practiced suri-ashi, though my hips seem to pivot when I move either forward or backward. So I need to work on not wiggling around so much. I also found that both heels picked up off the ground once I got moving backward and forward more fluidly, and my right heel was matching my left heel in height. I get the impression that I am moving too much like a dancer or European fencer - and not enough like a kendÅka - with my forward movements. Using the mirror at the YMCA has helped a lot in keeping my torso straight and in place, but I might need to bring a video recorder in case I end up practicing alone again. I could use the extra eyes so I could sit back and look for bad posturing and such. I also have noticed that I feel as though I should be lunging with a strong push from the back whenever I try to originate momentum with my left foot rather than my right.
I lasted about an hour on my own. This was like the last time. I drilled out some sonkyo drills until my knees were hitting the floor with each squat, and managed to get out thirty five good ones with proper posture and strength. But now my legs are gelatin again! It might sound crazy to some people, but ending a practice session with weak legs feels so good. I can even appreciate the painful stiff legs that follow for the few days afterward! I also practiced (suburi?) striking men, very slowly, with my shinai and I think I am beginning to understand how to strike with the left hand while guiding with the right hand. It is very backwards to what my arms and hands want to do with the shinai but I think I got a bit closer to doing it correctly this time around. First I attempted suburi while standing but I was wobbling all over the place even when I attempted nothing but slow strikes to practice form. Then I practiced it from sitting in seiza and I was able to coordinate my arms much more effectively, and put more strength into the slow motion strikes. Hopefully I will be able to sit down with someone who is more experienced soon. I might attempt to make it down to the Ito Dojo this coming Sunday so I can practice with a few more people. I can afford the gas for the drive for a Sunday or two each month, at least until I make it into mortuary school and become committed to an hour long commute several times each week for school. But it could be good until then.
Oh, and after I was done at the YMCA with my practice, I stopped over at the Boulder Aikikai to check out their Aikido class. It came across as pretty straightforward and I got a good vibe from everyone in the class, though I only observed. Their setup is real nice and I will admit to having had a brief fantasy about attempting to bring Boulder Aikikai and Yamakage Dojo together ... buuuuut that all came crashing down once I saw that their floors are firm mats rather than hard wood. I think that I might head down there next Wednesday for a pick up class and see how I feel about practicing Aikido there. I have just enough experience with it to know that it is something I will enjoy, and it looked as though their training methods could really improve upon my endurance. Since both Kendo and Aikido both ultimately come from the swordplay traditions (or so I was told once upon a time) I am hoping that practicing one will not produce bad habits when I practice the other one.
Sonkyo: 35 repetitions
Seiza Practice: 5 minutes
Suburi: 5-10 minutes, Unsure on repetitions
Improvements Needed: No more hip pivoting when moving forward or backward during suri-ashi. Keep the right heel closer to the ground. Continue working on learning to use the left foot for momentum rather than the right foot. Strengthen up the arms, and continue strengthening the legs with the sonkyo drills. Start doing those drills at home to build up strength for practice!
